Little girls and long hair. Two great things that do not go so well together. The drama, the brushing battles, the tears, the brushes thrown across the room (totally imagining that might happen to someone, not from personal experience or anything…). Madness I tell you, madness.

My girls have completely different hair. Molé’s is very fine, very straight and may get one or two tangles a week. Poor BQ on the other hand has my hair. Takes years to dry, must be battled for straightness and likes to get knotted. I had been lamenting to a friend about the daily brushing battles and she was kind enough to send me this.

The Tangle Tamer (unfortunately she did not send me Ina Garten, the lovely lady on t.v. in the background.  She makes me want to eat the screen.  My 2 pm naptime guilty pleasure)

Anyway, not a bad device and whether it was the “placebo effect” or The Tamer itself, the hair fits improved.  BQ and I had discussed the possible benefits of a haircut in the knot department but she was not on board.  ”I just love my long hair.”  How can you argue with a five and a half year old who loves Rapunzel?  Well, shockingly she approached me and stated that she was ready for a cut.  Off we went on a date, that’s right I paid for a haircut, and she lost five inches!  That’s like half the length of her body, people.  And the results are not only dramatic when brushing her hair, but I think the cut aged her about five years.  Um, where did my little girl go?  Three weeks until kindergarten and you know what, she kind of looks old enough.  Sigh.

All of this rambling is to say if you are currently stuck in the never ending battle of the tangles, perhaps it’s time to employ the assistance of the Tangle Tamer or a pair of scissors.  After all, it’s better than throwing brushes or threatening to shave your daughter’s head.

The other night I headed out for an hour of solitude. Baby was down, girls were happily playing with Daddy, I splashed on a bit of perfume and even changed my shirt. Ah yes, ready for a wild stroll around Bed, Bath and Beyond. On my drive over, I notice this:

The baby boy had been enjoying his avocado so much he had to share. I’m so grateful for my messy pants and the little hands that strip away any sense of glamour in my life. They remind me of what is really important, especially at a time when so many are hungry and suffering. Thankful for food, shelter and family.

Time and time again I am learning the same lesson. Everyday. Sometimes every hour. When raising children, the usual formulas of 1+1=2 and red+blue=purple do not apply. Just because you’ve fed them, had them take naps, brought an extra change of clothes, and allowed them to run out their energy does NOT mean your evening will be stress/chaos/meltdown/timeout free. On top of that, just because a certain formula worked for one of your children does NOT mean it will work for all of them.

Before becoming a parent we have ideas about how we will do things differently than so and so, and how our children will never do things like their kids. Then we actually have kids and realize we were idiots. That’s right, as we sit back and watch our kids have a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant or scream for an hour straight on a plane we realize how freakin’ hard it is to be a parent. And how much harder it is to be a good parent.

Kids, just like snowflakes, are each originals. No two are alike. There may be similarities, but each are truly unique. I try to remind myself of this while traveling. 2 of my 3 children go with the flow, adapt to the changes and roll with it all. And one simply does not. And it is my job to love her just as much, despite the whining/tantruming/crying fits, etc. My kids are not some matching set that allows me to parent on auto pilot. They each require my time, patience, and love. When I try to squeeze them all into the same mold, I fail and we are all left frustrated. It’s maddening, stretches me to the limit, brings me to my knees and forces me to see each child as a beautiful creation that cannot be copied, forged or recreated.

Not only are our children not the same as each other, they are not mini versions of us either! They may look like us or share some traits, but it ends there. We cannot try to force them to be a new and improved version of ourselves.

Our children are also not our neighbor’s kids. Who cares if their baby crawled at seven months, knew his ABC’s from infancy, and eats all vegetables without complaint. Would you rather have that kid? Seriously. Comparing our kids begins before they even leave the womb. We talk about how long it took us to get pregnant, how much weight we gained, how many times we vomited, when we had to start wearing maternity pants, how organic our baby’s nursery bedding is, how “natural” (there are few things I hate more than using this term to refer to birthing vaginally without meds. I don’t fear the words vaginal, epidural or c-section)our baby’s birth was and on and on and on. No wonder the comparisons trickle down and get plopped on our kids. There are always going to be the bragging moms and honestly I am still learning how to tune them out. It’s hard.

At the end of the day I simply love my babies. It is their little quirks, unique personalities, and individuality that makes them amazing. Why in the world would I spend my time obsessing about what they’re not!? What they are is mine. They carry our family’s name, they belong to The Doc and I and they are freakin’ awesome. At the end of the day, I know you feel the same way about your little ones. Let’s promise to see our kids for who they are, not who they are in relationship to our neighbors and the other kids at school. Love them where they are, for who they are and simply because they call us “mommy.” There are few on this planet who can bestow upon us such a sacred and loaded title. Let us not forget the privilege and responsibility we have to those who entrust us with the name.

I’ve been married for ten years today. A decade, people. Almost one third of my life.

We’ve gone from a friendship, to a crush, to a like, to a love, to a commitment, to a team and to a family. What we’ve shared, dreamed, lost, and learned is our journey. There is nothing in life more precious to me than this man, who on this day ten years ago told me he’d love me forever and chose me for life. How I love to be his wife.

Happy anniversary, my love. You are way, way, way more than I could have ever dreamed possible and I love our life. And oh how I love you.

Staring up at this. That’s right, the feel of living in the office in the privacy of your own home. Classy.

We are moving 15 minutes north this weekend. To say I’m excited would be a HUGE understatement. I will be providing photographic evidence to show just how done I am with this place over the next days so you have been warned. Oh, and I will be doing it all one handed, on my phone, while nursing my Bubby. How do you like them multi-tasking apples?

Reason #1

Our nightly visitors. And yes, it IS that gross. And I have stepped on them in the middle of the night. And they leave shiny silver tracks. Will NOT miss them.

It’s the stuff that thighs are made of.

Do you cringe at the thought of riding in an enclosed space with your child for an extended period of time? Does the thought of juggling a squirmy toddler while trying to use a bathroom the size of your freezer stop you in your tracks? Well you have come to the right place. Cast those fears aside, people.  It’s time to take the plunge and book that flight.

Okay, so that was rather bold considering I recently experienced the unpleasantries of traveling with small children first hand. But nonetheless I’ve gotta say it isn’t as bad as you think. (Unless you are a bit disillusioned and don’t think it will be bad at all. Perhaps you were even planning on bringing a novel aboard?). Will there be whining, spilled drinks, soiled clothing, moments of under your breath or in your head cursing, obnoxious fellow passengers dispensing parenting advice, missed naps, whining, eating too much sugar, emergency bathroom runs while the fasten seatbelt sign is illuminated, plugged ears, whining, and moments of regret…? Yes. But when the destination includes seeing loved ones, visiting a new place or getting away with your little family it will be worth it all.  Sometime, after you’ve settled in and taken a scalding hot shower to wash every last bit of airplane madness off of your body you will be glad you made the trip.

The disclaimer here is that I am not a professional traveler and have only traveled with my children, not yours.  And, I am not at all experienced with long car rides, though some of this may apply to those too.  You may chuckle at the following, fist in the air shouting “rookie” at the suggestion that this list would be at all helpful.  Again, all kids are different so this is what I have found helpful in my experience so I am sharing.  I figure I will just give a list, let’s be honest I’m sort of a list/top ten blogger at times, of what I’ve found to be sanity saving while traveling.  I can say that I have traveled alone with one, two and three children and we have all survived.  Happy trails!  (is that even accurate for air travel?)

1.  Portable DVD players make everyone happy.  Seriously.  If you don’t have one, borrow one.  If your kid doesn’t normally watch movies or videos at home, it’s even better because it’s such a decadent treat.  Go to your local library, update your Netflix queue, or borrow some new videos from a neighbor.  There is nothing better than busting out a surprise new episode of Kai Lan at 30,000 feet to the delight of the under four footers in your gang.  You may feel like it is “cheating” or want to prove that your mothering skills are so advanced that you do not need the help of modern technology to entertain your children in an enclosed space for hours at a time.  If that is you, I applaud the effort, but worry about the cost of your post-flight therapy.  Don’t be a hero!

2.  Color wonder markers!  How genius are these bad boys?  Markers that only show up on paper?  Amazing.  If your little tot wildly swipes the arm of the gentlemen in seat 34A, who by the way had hogged 98% of the armrest, put one of his feet into your precious foot space and generally oozed into your seat for 90% of the flight, have no fear.  There won’t be a purple line on his cardigan (though you may wish it were so).  Such a great product, especially if you are traveling alone in a middle seat with a toddler on your lap.

3.  Snacks. Forbidden treats, a good protein source and something with a good crunch for the descent are a must.  I am not saying buy lots of candy, because believe me you will regret that when the sugar high hits and your kids have no possible way to run it off.  This is a great time to buy those prepackaged crackers you’re usually too cheap to get or splurge on dried blueberries instead of raisins.  Whatever your kids are into and works in your budget.  And whether it is a sandwich, some cheese or nuts make sure you have some protein in the bunch.  Also, you CAN bring boxed juice or milk when traveling with kids!  Not an entire case, but I have gotten one box each through Seattle, Phoenix, Boston, Houston, Miami and Orange County airports in the last two years.  And the crunchy snack is crucial, especially for the more “intense” children in the bunch.  Plugged ears can ruin even the best of flights so be prepared.  The minute you feel a slight descent bring out the crunchiest thing you have.  Ration it as you go so that they don’t eat it all in five minutes.  I have found apples, carrots and cheese crackers to work really well.  You can also have them drink something if they are sippers- mine are slammers so that doesn’t work for us.  And a really great treat?  Ring pops!  The plastic ring part actually keeps little hands cleaner than your average lollipop on a stick.  I am a big fan.

4.  Don’t bring your entire home in a carry-on.  Travel lightly!  What?  I know it sounds crazy, but simplifying your packing is important.  When I first started traveling with children I brought WAY too much stuff and each time after the flight I realized that half of it was untouched.  It is stressful enough trying to wrangle your children through the airport and adding that extra thing, or extra ten pounds only makes it harder.  I agree that if you are bringing a toddler with a short attention span you want to make sure you have variety when they blow through five toys in one minute, so be strategic.  Pack skinny paperbacks, lightweight toys, and things that smoosh.

5.  Extra clothes for your children and for YOU.  This was learned the hard way.  You know there is a good chance your kids will mess themselves along the way, but remember that more often than not their mess finds its way to your shirt and pants as well.  Throw an extra shirt in, even if it’s just a t-shirt, because in the event that your child does in fact vomit on you five minutes into the flight, you will be very glad.  And you will smell much better.

6.  Utilize the flight attendants!  After using the bathroom with a baby sitting above me on the “changing table” (those things are a JOKE), and my toddler standing in between my legs I had a revelation (and seriously how is wiping supposed to happen when you cannot move your arms?)  Those two flight attendants reading People magazine and munching on salads just outside the doors, having completed their beverage service, have arms that work and no escape route.  Why, oh why, did I not hand the baby over to them for the two minutes I would need to use the lavoratory?  Actually if I did manage to get some childcare at 10,000 feet I would probably spend more like 20 minutes in the bathroom.  Anyway, don’t be afraid to ask!  Most likely they will be happy to hold your babe for a couple of minutes.

7.  Ignore any fellow passengers who are unpleasant.  Glares, stares, loud sighs, large men who steal your armrest, the young lady alone in the row in front of you who reclines her seat and slams into your few feet of space without a second thought, and anyone dispensing parenting advice…these are the little land mines around you, each poised to detonate at any moment.  When I was flying alone with the three kids for the first time, our flight was delayed.  This meant that my baby boy was screaming when we boarded the plane because I wanted to feed him on board so he would pass out and sleep.  I made a point of speaking to him in a loud voice as we squeezed through the aisle saying, “I know buddy, Mommy will feed you as soon as we get to our seat,” so fellow passengers would know the screaming would soon end.  As we got to our row, there was a couple with a baby directly in front of us.  Daddy in the aisle seat, Mommy in the middle and the babe resting comfortably in her carseat by the window.  As we literally exploded into our row, the mom shot me an evil look and began vigorously rocking the carseat (though the babe had not even made a peep).  There was no look of, “Oh girl, I feel your pain,” or offer to lend a hand.  You know how challenging that two parents to one child ratio can be.  (HA!)  I then made it a point to take my time to settle the girls and get the boy on the breast.  And I may or may not have accidentally bumped the mom’s seat a few times in a passive aggressive attempt to fight back.  I’m not saying.  All of this is to say that it is ok if your children fuss, laugh loudly, cry, or spill things on the plane.  This is not a private jet, this is flying with strangers.  You have a right to be there and to allow your children to be children.  If you try to make them act like adults to please those around you it will only make you even more miserable and closer to tears.  So be strong and don’t apologize.  I have a feeling the couple in front of you will be able to find some time to read their novels in peace when they arrive at their beachfront condo.  :)

8.  Bring a magazine.  Just in case there is a moment when your children are absorbed in a video and the babe is asleep in your lap you will have something to look at that that doesn’t come from the seat pocket in front of you.  You could go for a book if you are courageous, but that could be annoying if you actually get into the story just to be sucked back into the reality of the flight.  A magazine with short articles can give you five minutes of escape without commitment.

9.  Make sure that whoever is meeting you on the other side comes into the airport to meet you.  I know it may sound excessive, or you are trying to do the hero mentality again and say ” I can handle it” but really?  It is probably going to cost you what, $5 in parking costs and is totally worth it.  I’m to the point where I cannot physically manage three children, three carseats, a stroller, carry-on, and luggage on my own.  I am not an octopus.  Plus the sight of my mom or dad, or other friends’ faces when walking toward the baggage claim is almost magical.  It’s like the finish line.  You pass the baton, or children, to the grandparents and sail into the sunset.

10.  Wear a backpack.  Leave your diaper bag at home and opt for a backpack.  Much easier to carry and manage.

11.  Have your children wear backpacks.  I searched long and hard for backpacks small enough for my girls.  When we pack them before the trip, I have them try them on to make sure they aren’t too heavy.  They usually have one or two special “friends,” crayons, a book or two and a small snack.  It is a huge help and manageable for them.  I would say to try it as early as two, depending upon your child’s size.  This frees up your bag as well, which is great.

12.  Bring empty kid cups.  I love the take and toss straw cups.  I stick one in each of the girls’ backpacks and then we are set when the beverage cart comes by.  Airplanes do not always have tops for their cups and there is no way I want my children to have an open cup on a flight.  How many of us adults spill drinks on flights?  (maybe it’s just me).  Your kids can fit the cups in their bags, they aren’t heavy, and they work really well.

13.  Let them run.  After you pass through security (possibly one of the most challenging things of all) let your children move.  Obviously you need to look out to dodge fellow passengers, but it is okay to let your kid have a few moments of movement before boarding.

14.  Wear your baby if possible.  I used to always bring my stroller to the gate, and if you are traveling with your spouse or another adult I still would, but if you are alone and your baby isn’t too big, wear him!  You have to take the child out of the stroller, fold it down, and lift it up onto the x-ray machine and it is a PAIN.  Especially if you have a baby who is in a carseat snapped into the stroller.  Misery.  On my last flight with the three kids I wore a backpack, my baby boy in front and that was all I had.  It was wonderful.  Even with the addition of diapers, wipes, burp clothes and a blanket for the baby I was traveling at my lightest.  Going through security was the easiest yet.  And really people, is there anything that babywearing can’t fix?

15.  Buy yourself a latte.  Maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone, but it works for me.  Basically get yourself a treat.   A little something that will give you energy and motivation.

Well I think that is it for now.  You CAN do it!  Here’s hoping your summer includes some fun trips and moments to make lifelong memories with your family.

That’s right, time for another edition of “Stuff I’m Loving.”  It never fails to help change my attitude when I sit down and make one of these lists.  It is really easy to get bogged down by the monotony of life with small children.  Some days feel like an endless cycle of wake, prepare food, clean up food, sip coffee, clean people, dress people, change diaper, wipe bottoms, sip coffee, put baby down for nap, prepare food, sip coffee, ask children to pick up toys, wash dishes, remind children that they are supposed to be picking up toys, go put baby’s pacifier back in, sip coffee, and well you get the picture I’m sure.  But when I actually take the time to put down in writing the random, sweet and unexpected things that pop in along the way I am reminded of just how wonderful my life truly is these days.  It’s the small stuff, the little things that make it all worth while.

1.  The smell of my husband’s aftershave on my babies.  The Doc leaves for work early, but tries to see the girls before he heads out.  The Little Dude and I are usually still sleeping, so we don’t get to see him.  (btw I’m not a slacker, he leaves before 7) But, when I go to hug the girls later I get a wonderful whiff of The Doc from their cheeks and I’m reminded that not only does my husband smell good, but that I’m not alone in this crazy parenting business.  Regardless of how much time The Doc has at home he is always with us, for us and in support of me.  Such a gift.

2.  Sunny days!  Where we live, sunny days are not the norm so we greet them with cheers and relief.

3.  Living five minutes away from my sister-in-law.

4.  My minivan.  It has been in the shop for over two weeks (a post for another day) and I am acutely reminded as I slam three children into a midsize SUV loaner how GRATEFUL I am to have a car that fits our family comfortably.

5.  My children’s flexibility and ability to always find something to do, even on the third day in a row that we are trapped at home without a car.

6.  Mother’s Day.  :)  I mean seriously, kind of better than a birthday.

7.  Drive-thru coffee stands and a Mother’s Day gift card that lets me enjoy them without guilt.

8.  Cinnamon/Apple/Sweet Potato Applesauce.  Was this made originally for the baby?  Yes.  Am I currently obsessed and stealing spoonfuls throughout the day?  Yes.  Ridiculously good.  Think I may need to go whip up a new batch right about now…

9.  Nursing.  I’m reminded each time I look down upon my sweet baby boy how short these days are and feel blessed to be able to nourish him in such a wonderful way.

10.  Summer fruits and vegetables.  Oh my goodness it’s so great to be breaking out of the monotony of winter options and into the summer season!!!  CSA boxes will be arriving soon and the farmers’ markets beckon.  Berries, cherries and melon here we come.

11.  Music.  Sometimes you just need to dance out the day.

12.  Texting.  Seriously it is the only way that I am able to attempt to keep in contact with friends these days. If you don’t text and leave me voicemails, you may soon begin to hate me because I don’t call back.  It isn’t you.  I just don’t have phone energy these days.  If you text, we may just become best friend again.

13.  My phone camera.  I am horrible with the “real” camera these days, plus I don’t have one of those cool/hip/fancy cameras that are so popular that take awesome pictures.  Its all about the camera phone.  Without it, I fear my children would have no record of their childhood.  (sorry mom).

14.  Fruity lip balm.

15.  Babyganics clothes stain spray.  Was it $7 for the bottle…I’m afraid that yes it was unfortunately.  But does it ROCK like nothing else I’ve ever seen before in my 32 years of life?  YES!  There isn’t anything it has been unable to conquer, and that includes 2 year old stains that were on BQ’s old clothes that I’ve pulled out for Molé and the bright yellow pre-solids baby poop.  It’s magic and not made of a bunch of toxic junk.  Seriously, cut out a latte and spend it on this stuff.

16.  Cloth diapers.  I really, really enjoy not having to buy diapers anymore.  And they look cute.

17.  Watching cousins become friends.

18.  BQ turning into a real little person.  She is getting way too big for my liking, but it’s pretty darn cool.  And after some time in Florida, she has even developed some freckles on her nose.  Are you kidding me?  Too much cuteness.

19.  Little girls in matching jammies.

20.  My sweet Little Dude.  Seriously, this baby boy has his momma wrapped around his delicious little finger.  I am in trouble.

Now it’s your turn.  Make a list and remind yourself that your life is pretty rad.

Yesterday we walked to the store.  It’s really close and it was a beautiful day.  We didn’t actually need anything there, but we needed to leave our house and since our car is in the shop, we set out on foot.  We bought a random snack of chocolate milk and almonds, not very exciting but something.  As I approached the U Scan and fumbled around for my keys, so that I could scan my store card, it occurred to me that I did not have them.  In fact, I could not recall closing or locking the door when we left.  As far as I knew, there was an open invitation to the neighborhood to come on over.  Good thing we live in a basement apartment with an entrance around the back of the house because I can confirm that when we returned the door was WIDE OPEN.  But seriously, what a reflection of my week.  Hopefully I’m not the only one who is grateful that my head is attached to my body.  Call it “mommy brain” if you want, but thank God that even when we do things all wrong and mix up the details, He is watching out for us.

In the Bible there are numerous references to God being our shepherd, the one who cares for us and leads us with gentleness and care.  Psalm 23, probably one of the most often quoted, even begins with, “The Lord is my Shepherd.”  What is it about God as shepherd?  Why are we so drawn to this imagery?  For me it’s comforting to know that as I fumble around and fail miserably while attempting to multi-task, God is leading.  He is guiding, caring, protecting, providing and loving me through it all.  As a mom, this is even more of a relief as I do much shepherding to my little herd of three.

A year or two ago, I came across a familiar shepherding passage but something new jumped off the page.  Check this out:

“He tends his flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”  Isaiah 40:11.

Um, did you see the part in bold?  Those that have young, as in US!!  God himself knows that as we parent and strive to guide, care, love, protect and provide for our children that we are in need of a shepherd more than ever.  So much so that he makes special mention of it.  And, on top of it all, he leads us with gentleness.  On the days where nothing in your life feels gentle as you parent a sassy three year old, tantrum prone toddler or teenager with attitude remember that God himself is leading you.  He is faithful and he is gentle.  I don’t know about you, but that is what I need to hear.  Be encouraged friends.